Congratulations, we've just witnessed the birth of a new planetary blackmailer. Read more: mojtaba khamenei discovers Read more: mojtaba khamenei discovers Mojtaba Khamenei, freshly installed on Iran's theocratic throne after daddy, chose for his first public speech to threaten closing the Strait of Hormuz. Not a call for peace, not an extended hand — no, straight to threatening to cut off 20% of global oil supplies. Charming program for a beginner.

"The lever of blocking the Strait of Hormuz must definitely be used," declared the new Supreme Leader yesterday, according to the New York Times. Free translation: "Hello world, my name is Mojtaba and I'm going to take you economic hostage." At least he's not going for subtlety.

The Poisoned Legacy of Dynastic Succession

Let's recall the facts: we're talking about a man who was never elected, who succeeds his father in a system that pretends not to be a monarchy, and who now controls one of the planet's most strategic chokepoints. Between Iran and Oman, this little stretch of sea 33 kilometers wide sees a fifth of the world's oil pass through. Safe to say Mojtaba just inherited the region's finest economic pistol.

Let's compare with our Western democracies, shall we? When Justin Trudeau took over the Canadian Liberal Party, we cried nepotism — and he still had to get elected. When Marine Le Pen succeeded her father, she had to conquer her party then convince voters. Even in China, Xi Jinping climbed Party ranks for decades before reaching the top. But in Iran? Daddy dies, sonny takes the keys to the theocratic kingdom. Simple as that.

The Lying Poker of Oil Prices

The markets aren't fooled. As CNBC reports, "strategists say oil prices are trading higher as there appears to be no end in sight to oil supply disruptions via the Strait of Hormuz." Translation: traders are already betting on chaos.

And here's the perverse genius of this strategy. Mojtaba doesn't even need to actually close the strait — he just needs to threaten it for prices to soar. It's pure economic blackmail, but legal under international law. Iran pockets the profits from price spikes while keeping its exports open. Machiavellian and effective.

The West's Calculated Impotence

Faced with this threat, what do our democracies do? The United States deploys its fleet in the Gulf — as it has for 40 years. France calls for "constructive dialogue" — as it has for 40 years. Canada imposes sanctions — as it has for 40 years. Result? Iran still controls the strait, and now it's a 55-year-old novice holding the remote control.

China has a more pragmatic approach: it buys Iranian oil with yuan, circumvents Western sanctions, and quietly negotiates energy security deals. While the West moralizes, Beijing does business. Who's smarter?

The Real Question Nobody's Asking

But here's what all the experts forget to mention: why the hell did we let 20% of our energy supply depend on a strait controlled by a theocratic regime? It's like building all of Europe's economy dependent on a bridge controlled by someone who hates us.

Canada produces oil, so do the United States, so does Norway. But no, we prefer depending on the goodwill of a hereditary Supreme Leader who just explained he plans to use our dependence against us. Brilliant energy strategy, really.

Tehran's Sorcerer's Apprentice

Mojtaba Khamenei is playing big, very big. Closing the Strait of Hormuz means declaring economic war on the entire planet — including China and Russia, his supposed allies. It also means exposing himself to American military retaliation that could wipe Iran off the map in a few weeks.

But maybe that's exactly what he's looking for: prove his legitimacy through confrontation, unite his country behind him against "Western aggression," and consolidate his power through crisis. Classic beginner dictator manual, chapter 3.

The problem is we're all in the same economic boat. When the apprentice Supreme Leader plays with oil prices, it's Canadian families paying more at the pump, French companies seeing their costs explode, and global economies plunging into recession.

Verdict

Mojtaba Khamenei just gave us a masterclass in geopolitics, "how to hold the world hostage with a strait" edition. It's effective, it's cynical, and it works. Meanwhile, our democracies continue pretending to be surprised by threats they should have anticipated for decades.

Verdict: 2/10 for diplomacy, 8/10 for blackmail effectiveness. Student Khamenei learned daddy's lessons well.